CITY HUNTER OMG

With this post I declare City Hunter my favourite Korean drama so far and maybe, of all time. (I still have many to watch before I can confirm this he.) And I promise that only a small percentage has to do with the incredibly gorgeous, swoon-worthy Lee Min Ho. If not I wouldn't waste my precious time writing another blog post after I've just finished one just to write some sort of a review. My verdict - 9 out of 10 for this beautiful, heartfelt yet action-packed drama.

Summary (taken from Koreaboo and edited): 

After a group of elite soldiers are betrayed by their country, the sole survivor Lee Jinpyo (Kim Sangjoong) raises his best friend's son, Yoonsung (Lee Minho), in the drug-infested Golden Triangle and prepares him to take revenge on the Korean government. Years later, Yoonsung takes a job in the Blue House (the Korean president's residence) for a cover as he tracks down the five men that ordered the sweep mission. He's warned by his father to trust no one and love no one for the simple reason that he's only going to end up hurting the ones around him. So follows the epic story of revenge, love and sacrifice. (Maybe think Spider-man 2 minus the superpowers.)

I'm just going to put this short and sweet - I love everything about this drama. I love it so much that I finished all 20 episodes in 2 days. I love it so much that I'm dedicating a post to it. *Sniff* I don't think I've ever loved a drama this much. And I'm so glad I finally convinced myself to watch it. My 9 points comes mostly from brilliant script writing, solid characters accompanied with solid acting, sexy camera techniques and breathtaking action scenes. The sad 1 point comes from a few, very few though, cliched or unrealistic scenes and a slightly bad ending. But other than that it's just flawless. 

The script writing is beautiful I feel. I really admire the script writers. I really do. The story's very very thought provoking and makes me think a lot (yes just what I love!!!). It isn't just any story about pure, over the top, cold-blooded revenge. I see a very sincere side to it. And I love that the villains aren't your common, traditional, one-dimensional villains. Sometimes villains have reasons. And sometimes villains do care more about others than themselves. I also love that the heroes aren't your common, traditional one-dimensional heroes. Sometimes heroes aren't invincible. Sometimes they break down, sometimes they're weak. I also love that the "damsel in distress" is not exactly a "damsel in distress", but more like a "I can take care of myself" kind of girl. Everyone loves a girl that can kickass. All this, together with brilliant acting (especially from Lee Min Ho, Lee Jun Hyuk and Kim Sangjoong) makes the characters believable and relatable and I love it this way.

The good things: I loved the crazy nail-biting tension in the action scenes, which made these scenes an easy favourite. My 2 favourite action scenes have got to be when Yoonsung gets shot by Nana at the rooftop and when Yoonsung saves her from falling over at the railing edge. Seriously, my poor blood pressure. And of course the show offers us a fair share of fanservice. Therefore all the cute little romance scenes are my favourite too. Lee minho and his face will be the death of me. :( And of course, I have to praise Lee Min Ho's acting one more time. A notable scene was when Nana had that little incident and Yoonsung's great love for her came through. It was so convincing that I cried. To be honest I don't even know how many times I cried. Other good things are the cliffhanger endings, which keep me wanting more. Thank God I had the DVD. I cannot imagine if it was 2011 and had to wait one week all the time for the next episode. 

And of course, you can't just praise a drama fully (although I'd love to). The ending was so bittersweet, I loved yet hated it. But the more I thought about it, the more it didn't seem so bad. It was just so scary and a little too dark at times. And sometimes when things don't make sense I hate it. But anyway, there's really very little to criticize and the only thing I can think about right now is "MAKE A SEASON 2 DAMN IT".

City hunter, good job.    

People

are weird. I don't mean that in a mean way, I mean it in a curious way. I just think about people a lot sometimes and wonder about a lot of things. My revolutionary trip to Taiwan got me wondering even more. And I have to say I loved it because I absolutely love new experiences, I absolutely love doing thought-provoking things and most of all, I love meeting new people. The times when I meet new people are the times I wonder. Of course I love trying new food too, but that's besides the point.

Now what I absolutely hate is wasting free time. My definition of spending time well may not be burying myself in books, because sometimes I think it's a waste of time as well (Mom don't slam me please). I perceive spending time well as trying out new, fun things. This is something that really means a lot to me. And I realised this during the whole of November when I was still sitting around my house bored, desperate, but completely dry of ideas of what to do. I really, really, really, REALLY CANNOT stand being bored. I was miserable. And November was cruel.

Then December did some justice when my Taiwan trip began. As blogged about before, I wasn't particularly excited. But idiotic me was just having one of those I don't wanna go home moods on the way to the airport on the 22nd. Going to Taiwan was absolutely refreshing, fun and revolutionary. I doubted going to another Asian country would be the least bit refreshing, fun and/or revolutionary, since I doubted Asia had anymore to offer after what I've seen. Boy I was wrong. So I've since learnt the lesson that every speck and corner of Asia is. different. Taiwan changed my life and a lot of it has to do with people.

Refreshing came because of the delightful night markets they had to offer. I've been to night markets, I guess, but Taiwan's version of night markets is something you really can't miss out. Imagine the atmosphere - slightly smelly damp air, cluttered and messy, but ALL of that wiped out by the amazing scent of freshly cooked eats and buzzing fashion shops. After the first night market, I just couldn't get enough. So the knowledge of being able to go to more excited me. After visiting a total of 5 night markets I have to declare that Shilin night market is the best of all. It's so huge, so good, so yummy, you could cry. Oh and I have to take a moment to  thank the amazing Taiwanese people for wonderfully showcasing their culture, especially at the night markets. It's at Taiwan where I've met some of the friendliest people I've ever met.

Fun came because I tried new things. Yay! I tried me a gyro drop for the first time in my life. I hop into a seat a little too high for me, I pull down the over-sized chest protection thing, I buckle my seat belt, and then I find myself going up, up, up, up until I'm unable to even make out what's below me, and that's when I plunge. Fast. And the next thing I know I'm wobbling out of the ride. And I love it. Lol wow. I also tried driving a golf buggy for the first time in my life, which was so fun. Of course I did many other fun things, but it's the fun AND new things that I remember the most.

Revolutionary came when I met a taxi driver. I should have asked for his name. Tsk. But I did say something I'm happy about. Before I left his taxi I really wanted to thank him for an interesting ride, so I told him in Chinese, "Uncle you're very friendly, thank you." I hope it was a decent thank you, because he was really, very friendly. He was partially deaf and born in Singapore and very funny. Best taxi ride ever. It's things like that convince me finally that there are more good people than bad people out there.

Sigh. I could talk about Taiwan all day, week, month and year. But I have to end this blog post somehow. Again it all comes down to people when I enjoy something thoroughly. The taxi driver, the stall owners at the night markets and my tour mates! I have lovely tour mates and I'm sad I didn't thank them for letting me meet them. But I'm thankful. That's why I keep saying people are weird. They surprise you one moment, then they make you cry, laugh, feel angry and for my case, think, the next. People are really weird. But somehow I always find myself thanking them silently.

Now Imma throw in a random picture from my trip just so I can remember it forever.

Dad and I sitting on the steps of a little preserved temple

America obsessed

So, tomorrow I'm leaving for Taiwan.. it's gonna be a midnight flight. I gotta say I'm pretty excited for the trip, but to be honest I was dreading it at first. I thought I rather stay here, and like waste my holidays away.  At first I really wanted to go to west coast USA soooo badly but unfortunately things didn't work out. Guess it's not the right time yet. But until then, I would be praying every single day that one day I get to go there whether it's by my own means or my parents'.

I think west coast USA's seriously the place for me, I mean, it's beautiful. And it's also fun. You'll feel like partying every day when you're in Las Vegas, you'll feel like a princess when you're in Disneyland, you'll feel like a Sharmaine when you're in Universal Studios, you'll feel like a (bird?) when you're at the Grand Canyon... so on. I'll get to visit the MOST iconic places in America, those we see in movies wow. And I guess part of the reason why I'm America obsessed is because I'm movie obsessed.

And I'm American movie obsessed because of a bunch of great movies I've watched recently. After watching movies what normal girls do is usually fangirl over the cute actor. But for me, I do that too, but I also take the time to appreciate the outstanding work of the crew. How people can create like CGI tigers and jellyfish, special effects, animations with insane lifelike texture is really really beyond me. I'm obviously fascinated by what the film makers in Hollywood do, and I would be honoured if I ever get to see it for myself one day.

Sigh... ultimately when I think about America it just feels like one big dream. And yes I've dreamt about America many many many times before. Am I obsessed? Maybe.

The end of 2012

My 2012 is not going to end with me dying.

I do not believe in that. What I believe in is that life will go on, that means I'll have Christmas to celebrate, sleepovers to hold, clothes to buy, food to eat, shit to shit, results to collect, tears to cry and then JC to worry about. Then in the not so distant future I will have a family to take care of, but that's for much, much later.

Os have already ended but it hasn't really hit me yet that 2012 is also going to end in countable days. I pictured one year to be longer than this, and ten years to be ten times longer. My chapter in MGS has no doubt come to an end too soon that I feel too unprepared and absolutely not ready to begin a new one. But I guess everyone comes across these feelings at some point of their lives, that kind of irritating nothingness where you don't know if you should feel happy or if you should mourn or if you should just relax. To add on to that you have no idea of what to expect from 2013 and no one to give you it. Then again I guess everyone just makes it through this nothingness and in the end, they either love or hate what they've went through. I hope I don't feel the latter.

What I'm hoping from the remaining of 2012 is basically simple things, nothing to do with games or clothes or money or whatever. I just want to make use of the remaining 2 over months to maximise the time spent with my friends and my time spent doing shit. Not literally, but I'm really someone who loves fun and I want to have fun with my friends while I still can, doing what I love (eating, sports, reading, watching movies, doing cip, meeting new people, trying new things). I'm glad I've been kinda doing all this already, because I don't see how else I can have so much fun lol. As of 28th November 2012, I've read many books, seen many movies, ate a lot, went out a lot, that I'll be happy to start school regardless of what awaits me.

What I'm hoping from the start of 2013 is in one sentence - an extraordinary year. I hope it's fresh, new and fun. I don't know what awaits me yet but I confess that I still hope to be in a comfortable environment. It doesn't mean I won't want to meet new kinds of people and make different kinds of friends. That's something I'm looking forward to a lot. Maybe I do have an idea of what to expect - more stress, more books, but hey,  that's all part of the fun. And finally I also hope that at the end of 2013, I will be praying like I am now that 2014 will be as good as 2013. 

Thank you ♥

Yesterday was my birthday. And as usual, I got the annual dreadful feeling that my birthday would suck because of how close it is to exams. I feel insecure that no one will remember because everyone's too busy. I feel lousy about how much I have to study. And of course, I'm scared people will forget. But honestly, what rubbish is that? I think I'm crazy. I'm such a forgetful person. I always fail to realise what a blessed person I am. However, I'm glad I did yesterday.

Now that I think about it, every birthday has been such a wonderful one. And I kind of think I deserve a smack for thinking that it sucks. Some of my friends even have their birthdays forgotten by their parents, which is something that has never happened to me. So, seriously, what am I constantly worrying about? I should be worrying about who I should thank. Before I do that, I'm gonna blog about the wonderful day October 1st 2012 has been.

Well pre October 1st was wonderful. Pa asked me where I want to eat and I told him about that Japanese restaurant I've been longing to go to. Really really really longing. And within the next few hours he goes, "I reserved a table already!" So there. I went out for lunch, satisfied my cravings, drank teapot soup and had a funny little encounter. Even my cake was rather special haha. I was asked if they wanted me to write anything on it, so I told them. And within the next few minutes I was staring at pretty icing in my favourite colour. And with flowers too! For that I honestly wanted to give the icing girl a big hug.

So that was Sunday afternoon. On Sunday night, Celine messaged at me at 11:59:59 to make sure she was the first to wish me. Oh she sure was. And her messages are so long and so sweet omgoodness. Aiya she's like the sister I never had. And I got plenty other great wishes from close friends I TREASURE a lot a lot a lot and a lot and a lot and a lot and a lot. Yes, you. I treasure you so much that I'll probably remember what we've talked about in a few years. You all know who you are. All these came while I was mugging for lit, which helped keep me going.

And while I was expecting just another insignificant day at school, my class sang me a birthday song. My friends surprised me with a cake at recess. I got cards. I got letters. Celine's one is gigantic. I seriously felt so loved oh my goodness. AND while I was walking back home, minding my own business, I hear a voice coming from upstairs. "JIE!!" I look up and I see this:

And I come up, my maid tells me to open the fridge, and I see this:

This really makes me love my sister so much. She deliberately picked all my favourite sushis AND bought chocolate that was endorsed by Roger Federer hehehe. Lindt swiss dark chocolates. And then I find out she wanted to cook me soba for dinner. :') And on top of that I received special cards in the mail and birthday messages from my cute cousins ;) One of them actually got me a present. Hahahaha. Seriously omg. What have I done to deserve all this?! I'm laughing at the craziness of this. So thank you. Thank you thank you. To God, to my family, my friends, everyone.

And towards the end of the day I hardly felt sad about it ending. I was more of bursting with joy. Honestly. It's quite rare for someone to feel so loved nowadays. My birthday just showed me how so many people treasure me (since I treasure them too :p). And I honestly want to ask a serious question. Why? Until I figure out the answer to this question, I think I owe many people hugs. So excuse me while I go exercise my arms ;)

People I appreciate

The past few weeks have been tough, and the next few weeks will be even tougher. But during this period of time, it definitely doesn't hurt to tell someone I appreciate her/him. Just a few days ago, I remember someone telling me to always be grateful for kindness, and to say "Thank You" once in awhile because of the difference it can make. Therefore, I present to you, my way of listening to that piece of advice.

MY SISTER

My sister has too many things I appreciate. That's why she's first on this list. Though innocent and highly child-like, she has a mature side to her. I like both sides, because both sides have given me happiness and joy my friends and parents can't give me. The innocent and childish side of her has led to those intense "laugh until stomach-ache" and "laugh until cry" kind of laughing fits between the both of us. Strangely, they come when I need them. The mature side listens to my problems. Although that side doesn't say much, she's a good platform for you to "let it all out". I could write a whole essay about my sister, but that would defeat the whole purpose of this post. Another day. :)

MY PA

My Pa is THE role model for being hardworking. Follow the way he works, and you never fall behind. Although recently faced by an injury restricting his movement, it's quite amazing how the injury has helped to heal other things within the family. Oh the irony. He loves me so much that if I asked him to hop up 100 steps in his condition, he would. And despite not being the ultimate person to go to for studying help, he still helps me in my studies. I mean, without him and his money I wouldn't be able to go to school right? Again, I could right a whole essay on how much he means to me.

MY MOOMY

It's hard to be upset with someone like my mom. My mom is strict and demanding, but at the end of the day, what always reminds me of how much she loves me is what she has gone through to love me. Despite the battles she fights everyday, she has never ever left me alone to fend for myself. And that's tough. I thought I was strong, but then I think of my mom and I know I'm wrong. My mom is the strongest person in the world for reasons no one can imagine. As much as she'd like to inspire others, her priority is inspiring my sister and I. And I thank her for that. I owe 80% of what I am today to her. Honest.

CELINE

Celine. Oh my goodness. Celine is no freaking ordinary friend. In fact, we're not even "friends" anymore. I consider her a second sister and a huge part of my life. What's so special about her? She's the only one of my friends my sister's close to. She's the only one I dare to spill ALL my secrets to. We talk about just anything ranging from the typical topics (classmates, what's for homework, teachers, family) all the way to underwear. We get along so well I find it hard to believe. Just the other day we had our typical end-of-term reflections before Longest Day started. I was tasked with writing two things I would miss greatly. One of them was Celine. Thinking about possibly going to a separate jc makes me nervous. :(

HIN YEE

Again, someone I'll never ever forget. Forgetting her would be a sin. My relationship with her is special because I've known her for 6 years (almost 7), from the time she still had crooked teeth to the time she got her braces and until she took them off. I treasure her so much that I still remember how we first became friends in 2007 (on a plane hehe). And of course, I remember every other moment we've spent together and how we spent it. Much of the happiness I've ever got in my life comes from her.

All in all, these 5 people have so much significance in my life that it's quite hard not to write this post without smiling, and quite hard not to think of the sadness we're gonna experience when we (my friends and I) part. But the good thing is, they can be assured that I'll never ever forget them.

Don't know what title I should have so I'm just gonna leave it this way

So today's Saturday, and yesterday probably wasn't a dream because my eyes are still dangerously puffy from the crying. Lol yeah yesterday was.. both a good and bad day. Mostly bad but I chose to squeeze the good out of it. I really didn't like the sight of a B3 apparently, because after I signed the mark sheet and went back to my seat I started crying... and until I reached the bus stop I was still crying lololol. Don't know what to do with myself. Even when washing my face, I was trying to wash tears off, but my eyes were producing more. Sigh sigh. I think I really wanted that A LOLLLL. But I'm very embarrassed for crying like a pussy because many people on 74 were looking at me at the bus stop and they looked very scared.

But I really thank God that I'm a strong person. Celine goes "see that's what I like about you Sharmaine, you were crying like shit just now, and look at you now!" And I also have many people who care so much about me to thank. I think everyone got very scared at how I was crying that so many people came to talk to me and comfort me. I cried until my eyes became half its normal size. Half its normal size! That's like everybody else's normal size! :O :O :O But seriously, my friends are so caring and great that I wonder what I did to deserve them. Celine sat with me in school until I sort of stopped crying, and the bus ride home with her was very therapeutic. We were supposed to go eat lunch. Restaurant for good grades and food court for bad grades hahahaha. But since I looked like a monster we just ended up going to my house. And we just spent time watching JStuStudios and other shit until I cried. But this time, out of laughter. :)

So just to show everyone exactly how great my friends are, I'm going to place a few messages here so that I can keep them and read them forever.

"good to hear you're better:) we really didn't know how to comfort you, but thank God for celine! i'm not 'fit' to comfort you especially on this chinese o's results but i know clearly what disappointment's like, and just want to tell you that God doesnt withhold anything good from us, so He definitely has His plans for giving you a B3"

"You are a brave and strong girl, You can do it! 上帝相信你，我也相信你！"

"You're my good friend, I don't like seeing you sad. And I'm sure you'd do that for me too"

And these are just messages. I get things better than messages :') I sent Celine down to the lobby and insisted on waiting with her until her mom came, but she said "no, go up I want you to spend time with your family." So in the end I admitted defeat and she gave me a big hug. To people, it's just a hug. But to me, it was more than that. So I think all the messages speak for themselves about how lucky a girl I am.

And to prove that I have defeated the o level bug, I am going to post some stupid shit I wrote in my diary.

18th September 2008

Dear Diary, I have to write again coz sometimes I just can't stand doing work?! I must do it right now. Oh forget it. I'll do work.

xoxo
Sharmaine

17th August 2009

Hey Diary! I am so happy. I'm gonna ace the chem test! But I made a careless mistake like, who thought copper was Co? Everyone knows its Cu! OMG. Yay, later after I study life science, i'm gonna watch Little Nyonya. I'm gonna see dyt, woot woot!

xoxo
Sharmaine

GUESS WHAT?! I'm gonna try to write a diary entry in CHINESE for the first time.

06th September 2009

Dear Diary, 今天是星期天，我现在正要做LA功课，可是我想到了这个办法。Diary，你可以读我的字吗？我的华文很烂吗？我每次都这样认为。今天是我女佣的生日。我没送她礼物耶！对不起，我没时间。现在我也在听Taylor Swift 的歌。 对哦，我的“朋友” 来了。9月2日来。 我不怕。。。我还觉得挺开心的。哈哈。好了我不写了。拜拜！

xoxo
杨斯名

Oh my, I'm so embarrassing. So yeah. I'm happy and fine about everything. Retaking Os won't hurt. :)

Words and words

Don't underestimate the power of talk. That little title on top might contain the word "words", but look again. There's two of them. I placed two of them there for a sole purpose - to stress on how important it is. Honestly, people have no idea what kind of power they possess when they are able to harness the meaning of "words with words". They may be the exact same words, but the two cannot do without each other. Each, despite similar, is like water without a cup to hold it. Like many say, it takes two hands to clap.

My life and constant observations of the way things work around me make this concept very obvious to me. And it frustrates me when others just don't see it. As a result, people around me show no signs of having the ability to cultivate healthy relationships. Everyone I don't actually share friendships with, I notice, are actually selfish, one-sided and "un-selfless". It's hard to talk to them, because they don't talk to you. Even if they do, half the time I wish they'd stopped. My point is, talk. I don't care how hard it is, do it. You never know the things you could do if you just. tried. So try. :)

Do you know why there are stereotypes? Do you know students like all of us think of different schools a certain way? Do you know why we judge? Do you know why people quarrel? Do you? Do you? Do you? Most people don't, which is sad. Honestly, I feel like the world could be a much better place without all these. And all it takes is good communication. When was the last time someone told you their problems and you listened? When was the last time you told someone your own problems? When was the last time you told someone "good job!" for something well done? And when was the last time someone told you a sweet "thank you" in return?

I was chatting with Celine while eating ice-cream on Friday, and all of a sudden I felt frustrated. I told her how I felt about the whole divide between top schools and government schools. I know this is a rather sensitive issue, but why on earth is it so in the first place? We're still Singaporeans no matter how, squeezing to live in this little place. Yet stereotypes and misunderstandings exist, stereotypes that raise the divide between different students higher than it should be. The silly thing is, most stereotypes aren't even valid. Things like mgs girls are boy crazy, bitchy, such stereotypes only exist because of a minority but it instantly forms that impression of all mgs girls in others.

So you see that's the pity and frustration I feel, being one of those silly labels. Even worse, having someone paste the label on you without the chance to justify it. Stereotyping others is misunderstanding others. Misunderstanding others is not talking to them. People around me don't even attempt to mix around with other Singaporeans, with the constant reminder of their differences in their heads. But if we don't talk to them, how are we going to confirm that they are even different?  That's why I say, give talking a shot, because the fabric can't be made without the thread. People will be amazed what talking can do.                                        

Wishes for the world

I WISH

Firstly, I wish evil didn't exist

I wish evil didn't cultivate more evil

Then I wish evil didn't give birth to bad

I wish bad didn't meet good

I wish good didn't follow bad

I wish good didn't turn bad

I wish evil together with bad didn't steal, kill, shoot

Maybe I wish bad wasn't good in disguise, and good wasn't bad in disguise

Maybe I just wish they didn't judge, discriminate, bully, shout, lie

But I think I just wish for bad to be at least a little real

Or maybe I just wish no one was bad at all

Love when there's hate

I love being a Christian. It's scary but amazing how some things happen at the exact time they have to happen. That's when I realise and know that people really mean what they say when they say God is always watching. He is. It's very hard to believe the whole invisible figure in the sky thing, I know. People always want to see it to believe it. But it isn't necessary, because you just know. Faith. Faith gives you spiritual eyes. They tell you it's true. Who needs physical eyes then?

Yesterday was the last day of June. It was also the last day of the week. And the last day of a half year. I don't know how much more significant what I've learnt over the end of June can be. I think what I've been told by God is that the rest of the year's a new beginning, but also a second chance. Sometimes we think being too good is not all that good. We become lazy. We don't reflect on our mistakes. We make them, and then we make more. But you know, today, God reminded me this is not me. I'm glad I could get this reminder. So I'm glad I'm a Christian.

This morning, I came to church tired, upset and unwilling. Sometimes it even gets annoying to listen to the message. I admit, I didn't want to listen today, I just came because I had to. I even forgot I had to sign up for STEPS for a cause even though that was all I was talking about all week. So during sermon, nothing went in. But the opposite happened when I heard that one thing. I knew God was trying to tell me something, so I listened.

June for me, has been all about loving the ones that hurt you. Today I realised that everyone has been trying to tell me this since the start of the month, but I refused to listen, knowing that I believe in fighting for yourself. I only realised the significance of what I'm writing today. But I've used this morning to myself that next time I'll love the ones that hate me, instead of giving them what they gave me. I think I now know what it  means to love your enemies. If we're vengeful, how different are we? It'll be hypocrisy at it's finest. It's hard to love when there's hate. I know. I always wonder who the hell can do that, but I realised someone who did.

Jesus.

Bleh

Today’s the last Sunday before the serious work begins. Guess I should make use of the time to reminisce a little and recall what shit I did in the holidays again haha. On my planner is two weeks where I smugly wrote “STUDY” on each day, but it’s clear I was writing bullshit. :P Hmmm, let’s see….

After months of intense Chinese, I thought it was time to reward myself. I proudly went to Orchard to get a birthday present for Celine, which was a hello kitty cooking pot. And I bought other things too but I’m not going to write about them because no one’s going to care. I have better things to blog about than post badly filtered pictures of shoes and clothes and perfume and food. Watched the Avengers with Shev and cousins, and I have one word to say. OH MY GOD

Aha and the 30^th and 31^st of May were two days that really changed my life.

For really changing my life, I would like to really thank traditional chinese (tc) for asking me to come lol, because if not for him, I would still be ignorantly viewing autistic patients. And I would also like to thank whoever planned the see I pee, I’m not really sure who they are, but thank you your hard work. Thank you to the teachers in charge of my group as well, for being so amazingly patient both with Joee, me and the students. How do the hell do they manage? Thank you thank you thank you to the autistic children of course. I know you will never see this, but all of you have moved me a great deal. Thank you to my best friends Celine and Joee for their company and for listening to my non-stop insight sharing after each day :P And thank you to daddy God for blessing me with the joy I had. Whew!

I went to the flyer with Joee, Charlene and Danielle on the 3^rd and came home only remembering that I ate subway for dinner. I mean I can see the freaking skyline every day, why must I go on a fancy wheel. 4^th June. Badminton with Hin Yee at warren. Then lunch at Boon Lay market. I still can remember this. We ordered $4 hokkien mee, yu pian tang, chicken rice and chendol. And omg I really like, love the hokkien mee there now. Next time I’ll sneak away and dabao some back home wooooohoooooo. Okay and on the 6^th, I went to orchard with Celine to drink coffee and then we went home to watch Chinese show at 9. BLOODY SHIT

Wah I’m damn tired already. Just look at all the shit I did. But I have to finish this. 7^th June. My lovely cousins and sister forced me into playing running man downstairs our house. I was in the red team with Issax, and Shev was together with Charlotte. We were supposed to tear their nametags right. The game was an hour long. We took them down in 2 minutes. And then we had three challenges, the coffee challenge, the ball challenge then chubby bunny. Sigh. All the shit we do hahaha. I’m damn lousy at chubby bunny.

Oggay there’s more. 12^th June, badminton with hy and church friends. Quite fun. Oh well, whatever I do with my friends is fun. :P 15^th June, Sentosa outing woooohoooo. At the end of the day I was salty smelling and damn cao da, but I had a wonderful time, again. I don’t why, but I always have a lot of fun. What Joshua, Lisa, Hin Yee and I did was very simple, but it was fun. Guess it’s the people that make the difference. We just sat on the beach, talked and talked while we ate, played truth or dare, played Frisbee and then went on the Luge. Simple, sweet and quite unforgettable. 16^th June. Father’s day celebration at ah gong’s house. I seriously love my cousins, I have the best cousins in the world lol. Ryan, Jonathan and Joanna haha. Ah, and the very last day before we started school a week early, we had a beautiful father’s day.  Simple but you know, I just find ways to pick the sweetness out of everything.

And that’s how I spent my holidays.

After reading the shit I just wrote I feel like this:

Make a difference

I have a big dream.

A dream to change lives.

People can call me crazy all they want, but I don't see a reason for me to cheapen my dreams... Every time I do see I pee (sorry, cip :P), the after comfort of knowing that I could have potentially changed a life comforts me. At the end of every single cip, the urge I get to do life changing things gets stronger. And stronger. Right now it has come up to a point where I really HAVE to make it happen. If I don't, I fear the fear of not being the person I dreamt to be. 

Just the other day I was at SAAS doing cip yet again. But I wouldn't say that I was changing lives though. I say that because autism isn't a disability, it's only a communication problem. They don't need help because most of them are smarter than me. I should be getting help, we all should be getting help. But I was there hoping to add on to the joy they already posess. Then again, I may have been the person receiving it.

Do people nowadays really know what joy is? People nowadays are easily pleased, but all by the wrong things. Popularity, friends, clothes, idols, music, girls, boys... if you tell me these things "complete" you, I might as well just stop living shouldn't I. Not that I'm not guilty of the things I mentioned above. I definitely am. Guilty pleasures are all part of having fun when you're young. But the difference is, guilty pleasures aren't the key to your lock, they can NEVER NEVER complete you, even if you try your hardest to make them to. I'm sorry, but that's a fact. 

I may not be the best person to describe what real joy is, but I may have had a slight taste of it after doing so many see I pees. And you wouldn't believe how simple experiencing that joy was. If you say autistic kids can't show affection, oh you're wrong, because Daryl, Vimal, Willis, Lucas and Timothy are just perfect examples of why you should rethink that stereotype. They can. And that's the most amazing thing, the surprises. You would never expect any of these kids to make eye contact with you, much less hold your hand, but they did. And that's what brought me that slight taste of joy I was talking about. Seeing kids you'd never expect to smile, smile. And at you even. Having kids that cannot stay still hold your hand. THEY are what I call true blessings from heaven :')

I want to change multiple lives actually. Mine, and other lives. I want to make more people smile just as much as I want them to make me smile. This is the person I want to be, because I want to live for a purpose and not lead a regretful, fatass, "waiting to die" kind of life. I want to be the person that makes that difference. 

I want to be an inspiration.

This story below inspired me, and reminded me of what I want to do in life, so I'd like to share it here :)

posted from Bloggeroid

I love koh hin yee

So I was texting hin...

Hin yee: what is beach attire... ah i'm not swimming haha.

Me: Why lol!

Hin yee: i. don't. like. especially in the sea. heh.

Me: WHY :( Then you can build sandcastles while everyone's swimming ;)

Hin yee: how fun.

Me: Yes how fun. If it is big I give you prize!

Hin Yee: sure you bring the bucket and spade okay.

Me: An an extra bucket so that you have a helmet ^^

Hin Yee: make sure it fits.

Me: XXL YES I WILL MAKE SURE

Hin Yee: don't forget to bring ah ;)

Me: You actually wanna see your friend show up in a pail?!

Hin Yee: not in, with a pail.

HAHAHAHA

Me: Yeah, with a pail :P

Hin Yee: Not just one pail, you promised 2, remember?

Me: Yes one for your hands, the other for your head ^^

Hin Yee: HAHA. we're retarded ;)

GLAD YOU KNOW

Being loner yeo - day two

Oh my goodness, I'm past pathetic lol. I mean, look at me. I'm writing, and sitting alone... at a two seater table... meant for two people... I'll probably be like that when everyone else is dating in jc and uni too anyway. ^^ But in the end, I still win, 150 dollars from roly poly shev ;)

Okay, but honestly speaking, Sunday and Monday were the two days I spent thinking about the beautiful 2011and the beautiful times in it. Especially OBS, since it is exactly one year since it changed my life. It was on those two days that I found out that the memory still existed. I couldn't keep from all the experiences racing back to my mind, they just came, and I just got emoer each time one came. Uhhh by bed time, I was close to crying... O.o

I shocked myself too. I didn't expect myself to almost cry over something that happened last year. It really goes to show what a remarkable 5 days the whole thing was. I talked to other girls who were from camp two delta, and I got reminded of how the instructors specifically said that our camp two delta experience was really an "outward bound adventure", because of the lightning splash, the being stranded on that island... Ours was really special indeed, which was probably why I almost cried because the memory and experience means so much to me. OKAY FINE I CRIED :'( *runs to corner*

Celine hated her OBS, I loved mine, and when we were talking she told me that I was like Jane from Tarzan lol. And she suggested something that I would really like to make happen. When I get married, which will definitely be after shev gets married, I WILL HAVE THREE PARTS TO MY HONEYMOON. Part one, do shit in Singapore. Part two, seven wonders of the world. Part three, OBS. OKAY SET. So perfect :')

I will study, I will go to college, I will go to U, I will earn big bucks with this dream in mind and I will make it happen. I will. You watch me. Wait.... who are you?

posted from Bloggeroid

My future

As I watch the number of days to the big day decrease.. decrease.. and decrease, this question about my future comes out all too often. I hear it everywhere. Home. School. My head. It has really started to dawn on me that how I do at the end of the year is going to determine my place and future in this rotten little hell hole. I live in this hell hole, so I have to adapt to this hell hole. No matter how much school asks out of me, I have to give the same amount back. I know I can do well and promise myself a good future, but what?

Really, what? Up until now I've only considered the ACJC route as a feasible plan. Based on what I'm looking for, ACJC can give me everything. That warm, christian environment I love, a good JC education and the hearty affiliation bonus. I have to work hard there, but at the same time I can have the time of my life. And I don't mind that, I don't think anyone does. :) Any alternative would be SAJC. But...

What if I don't want to only go one way? What if I want another route? Kay, the ACS (I) sharing really got me thinking. The principal came and told us about IB today, and honestly, it sounded really refreshing and great. I mean, I don't believe education can be holistic through the usual methods, papers and pens, papers and pens..... more papers and pens. I've always thought that education should be so much more than just this boring routine. And the sharing really agreed with this opinion of mine today, IB sounds amazing, learning through travelling, being filmed as an exam, lesser written examinations...

But, it's demanding. Really, 5 points. 5. You have to study everyday. It sucks the life out of you. Nononononono. I guess I have to say that despite how attractive it sounds, no thanks. So I guess it's back to ACJC and the fun life eh. Okay, so let's say I settle into ACJC. What happens then? What happens after As? Yeah, I talked about NTU and NUS.. but really? Is it too early to talk about this?

I'm only sixteen, I'm only human, it would be nice to get a decent break from all the choices I have to make. I mean, all I seriously want is to stop having to study to please people. Sometimes I don't even know if I'm pleasing myself. Hmmm, what do I want?

Da shit

Da shit was this week?

Seriously, what the hell did I just go through? (My god I sound emo)

No no no, don't get me wrong, I'm blogging as happy Sharmaine, though yesterday wasn't a very happy day.....

Hmmmm, what happened yesterday. Oh yeah, I was sore loser Sharmaine, cos I fell sick on bio day... I woke up and felt like puking. So I didn't go for assembly. So then a prefect came and asked me why I was in class right...

Me: (sickly) Ohhh, I'm not feeling well......
Her: Did you tell your teacher?
Me: No
Me: (To myself) Does it look like I can talk.
Her: I have to book you, I'll take down your name later.
Me: Mmmmmhhhhhhhhhhh............ sure *sleeps*

Then she really comes back, this time she wasn't a one man army anymore, she had a wingman/woman.

Them: Scuse me what's your name?
Me: *Looks up*
Them: ...
Them: .........
Them: Nevermind.. uh.. rest well! -runs-

:P

But I was brave Sharmaine too, I forced myself to sit for my exam whew. And I'm quite excited for tomorrow to end, it'll be the end of all the serious papers oh hallelujah. 

On a more emo note, I was quite touched by all the concern from my classmates. They're nice people. Celine wrote me a letter, Yolanda sent me an sms (even though I'm not that close to her), everyone else looked so worried. So thank you all, it kind of made my sickly day. Hey, even bad days can be made!

The shit I do when I have to study

*O*

"Don't worry, be happy" - Bobby McFerrin

So what if

So what if you’re strange

How normal can everyone be?

So what if you’re irritating

I don’t think everyone’s delightful

So what if people can’t stand you

Ask them to sit down

So what if you’re ugly

What is the true definition of beauty?

So what if you’re fat

It means you have more space for food

So what if you’re not good enough

When can anyone ever be good enough?

So what if you have failed

It doesn’t mean you can’t succeed

Don’t tell me I don’t understand

What it’s like to be fat and ugly, I say don’t

Because I’ll tell you, you don’t understand

What confidence is.

Be happy, be strong, earn respect

Not regret.


For anyone who has ever felt unwanted and unloved

Story of the day

Dear Diary

My name is Ling. I am not very pretty. In fact, I am not pretty at all. I do not have the best skin. I am short and own a short bob. On the contrary, I own a very long uniform, one uniform. I am what everyone calls “nerdy”. I am what everyone calls “weird”. I am what everyone calls “loser”. I am unlike the others.

Day one.

I set foot today in this new school, hoping that it is a good enough escape from my previous. While walking to class, I watch the strangers and their mannerisms closely, and try to predict if I will receive better treatment here. So far, none have stared or pointed, which is a good sign. I think.

But ah, as expected, things always change when I step into the classroom, because that is when I receive my first stare.

Day five.

The people here are slowly starting to send me signals that they are no different from the monsters at my previous school. They are already coming up with the nicknames, which are nothing like endearing pet names. It is free period. I am secretly overhearing the two popular girls in class discussing what to call me.

“No la, since she looks like her ma doesn’t feed her enough rice like that, we should call her ‘skinny ling’.”

  

“But she very short also.”

“I know, I know!”

I only hope they never come to a decision.

Day ten.

Nobody even knows my name is Ling anymore.  They call me something I do not even dare to put down in this diary. It is like nothing I have ever been called. I dare not trust anyone for fear that they all wear masks and will never unmask. I fear that behind their kindness is mockery and deceit. I have already gotten a slight taste of how that mockery and deceit feels like on day seven.

What have I gotten myself into?

Day thirty.

Things are very bad.

I do not know why they dislike me so much. They trick me every Thursday. I now have more than one “pet name”. I have had vulgarities being thrown on me for being short, skinny and ugly. The worst reason was for being a “nuisance”.

I come to this school looking for change and the only change I get is the intensity of the bullying. It is worse now. There is no one I can trust.

Written by Sharmaine

Rojak

Yeah, I kind of just realised one week went by. That means it's three more weeks to mid-years, damn. But it also means I'm 3 months and a week down to the end of the year, woohooooooohoohoooooo. :D I don't know if I should be rejoicing now, but I think my chances of rejoicing are becoming rather limited, so I guess I should. (Hahaha, Yun Ying will pinch me if I say this to her :P)

Oh I'm obviously enjoying April so far. Actually, I enjoy everything. Moomy always tells me that Shev and I seriously know how to enjoy life. Don't know what to do when you're bored? Come to us. We always write bucket lists like "stuff to do after exams" which are fun enough to borrow. ;) Somehow I always manage to check every box. Seriously.

Anyway, April fools was a joke. (See what I did there.)

BUT, the highlight of my week was obviously, Thursday to Sunday, yes. The holy four days. I went for my first ever Maundy Thursday service this year *claps*. Out of the three services this week, I have to say Thursday's really made a huge impact on me. It was special, because it was held at night (suits this nocturnal asshole here) and there was this strange, overwhelming spiritual presence I felt in the sanctuary, which was Jesus, I'm sure. Such things are the "you have to experience it for yourself" kind. It's quite hard to explain the power I felt. You just have to be me.

Another thing is, looking at Jesus' nail pierced hands on the cross never fails to remind me of God's unending love for me and the world. Again, I'm unable to put it all in words, but Christians would understand what I mean. It's just that... watching the holy and righteous son of God receive torture from undeserving humans is sad. It's. just. damn. sad. Honestly, I don't think we as sinners should even be getting the opportunity to just watch this act of cruelty.

But we get Good Friday and Easter Sunday because God still let us sit on comfortable church chairs and just watch, regardless of how deep our world is drowned in sin. And that's why I'm a Christian. Because of this love. I mean, where else can we get love that is unconditional? Even family love comes with terms. But not God's.

Anyway, just a few more things about my week - I went for a picnic with Hy, Joee and her cell group after church on Friday ;) I just have one thing to say. Why the hell are my friends so fun, seriously. I'll say it again and again and again AND AGAIN - I have the best friends in the world. Omg. I really do.

And, I got an egg from church today.

Yay.

Oh, and I don't freaking believe in monday blues. Happy monday ^ ^

Swim meet 2012

Swim meet 2012. This is the result of just sitting in the stands and watching buff bodies move in the water.

Poem of the day :)

I've began appreciating poems lately, and not just Christian poems, those that evoke something inside of me. So I heard this poem being read out during devotions that day, and I gotta say, it felt rather amazing hearing the poem line after line. It was like having your mother embracing you when you cried, whispering into your ears "everything's gonna be alright." I felt that comfort and warmth so strongly when I listened to the poem. To be more specific, God's comfort and warmth. But it also reminded me of how we always throw God aside, how we always think that we're alone when God's actually there. This poem told me, "wake up. God's always there. Especially when you least expect it." Which was a very good reminder, by the way. I thought that everyone who ever felt helpless during those hated tough times deserved this reminder, so I thought of sharing this on my blog for people to believe that even when you're alone, you're not. Because God's there, guiding you every step of the way. 

3 months into 2012

We're all 3 months into 2012, and although it's the year everyone was dreading at the start of 2011, somehow we came to love it. And the pictures below are the reasons why ;) I'll just let the pictures do the talking since I want to study later. I can't post these pictures* on fb anyway, sigh.

(March was such a great month. Why is my life so fun hahahaha. :P)

*Click to enlarge

Sentosa day! Woohoo ;) 

Sec 4 Olympics ;) Mighty Kuwait ;)

ROCs 4 ;) Hippo tours, but no flyer, sadly :'(

Story of the day

Catherine

My name is Catherine. I am a grey desk. Actually, I have had plenty of names inscribed on my tabletop throughout my years of work but I liked Catherine the best. I work in this quaint place filled with bubbly school girls of different shapes and sizes, clad in a pretty sailor-like outfit I think they call their “uniform”.

I believe the place goes by the name of MGS.

Yes, MGS, the place I have worked at since those men with walkie-talkies settled me into a room with a magical white board and other friendly colleagues, the other grey desks. Back then, I was still new and naked, clueless and mystified because boss happened to be put to sleep for being too torn. I was on my own.

I adapted quickly because my job was rather easy. Every day, I watched those girls come and go with bags of books on their backs. I listened to teachers and their funny way of speaking – one easily became my favourite. I must have been a very good alternative for paper because girls just loved to draw on me during lessons.

I became rather popular during these periods of time which never failed to come every term. I believe these go by the term “exams”. Yes, these girls would dress me with more books and worksheets even after six, and they’d save me from savouring the beautiful and lovely sunset alone.

As the days went by and more seniors left me for prettier white college desks, I too, grew older. By now, I had a thousand names, but I stuck with Catherine. My legs rusted to an ugly brown and my screws had loosened miserably. Somehow, I knew I had to say goodbye in 2011 when the walkie-talkie men brought in my new dark blue brothers. 

(Story I wrote for MGS' 125th anniversary, hopefully it gets selected)

I wanted to post this because it's pretty. :')

And cos I can't post it on facebook.

14th February 2012 hehehehehehe ;)
Day in our memories. 

Yeah la, I'm crazy

Yeah la, I'm crazy. I'm going to blog about my new inspiration today - Bruce Lee, YES.

Love that man. I mean, what's there not to love? He's wise, he's fights like there's no tomorrow, he's a good man and he's hot. He's like a chicken wing kebab. Okay, all this aside, I think his words make a lot of sense and are very, very relatable. Otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my precious time blogging about some dead guy who died even before I was born, lol. Really, I'm not the kind who spends time on anything if it's completely worthless. (Watching tv isn't worthless okay!)

I was watching "Bruce Lee lives!" on Nat Geo the other day and got this revelation that hey, the guy may be dead, but the powerful wisdom within his soul still walks this earth. I don't think any soul like his can possibly be sucked down to hell lol, that's very unfair. I mean like, why would you vacuum candy on the floor.......

Yeah. So I loved how everyone in that show, no matter how old (remember Dan Inosanto?) or of what kind, could identify with Bruce's sayings in some way or another. The smart thing about Bruce Lee is that his words don't just apply to Jeet Kune Do and martial arts, they apply to almost anything as you name it. I didn't only see a certain kind of fans, what I saw was that practically anyone can be a fan. Whether you're a small girl who likes Barbie or some hyper-active boy, there are no limitations to what you can like about Bruce Lee. One minute I was looking at a white-haired Dan Inosanto, the next minute I was looking at Jamie Chung, the next minute this group of dancers called the Jabbawockeez (who are very, very, very talented by the way), and then the next this skateboarder with ugly hair.

What I find really cool is how Bruce Lee's martial arts techniques influenced so many other non-martial arts areas, something that your puny little judo or karate isn't able to do. Yeah, it's a fact that the Jabbawockeez dance like Bruce Lee and that Jeet Kune Do rubbed off onto the skateboarder with the ugly hair, who skateboards like nothing I've ever seen. You've gotta admit, Bruce Lee isn't just powerful physically, but mentally as well. He does things to people.

I mean, I can memorise his famous quote by heart already: "You put water in a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Be water my friend." - Bruce Lee

What makes Bruce Lee so special is simply just this - other martial artists are brick walls while Bruce Lee is different, he's water. Water can seep through walls, so yeah, it makes sense that he was able to beat every martial artist in the world lol. Living by this principle can really help people, actually. There's never only one way to do something and never only one escape route. Possibilities are manifold in life because life ain't no ruler. So instead of people doing things their way all the time, people have to just learn that, NO. Bruce Lee says there's other ways. 

One wish

Today was yet another good day in history. I doubt I'd forget it, despite my visits to the home becoming kind of normal for me already.

Salt visits SCHA (Singapore christian home for the aged) for cip annually. To our new sec ones, they seemed somewhat bewildered about being there, judging from all their cute and helpless "what do I do" faces. To seniors like me, this is probably our last year visiting the home during the festive period, but definitely not my last time. That's why I made today count.

Every time I go for cip, I tell myself to do a little soul searching and self-reflection. Or maybe in today's case, think about the issues concerning my love ones. There's always so many valuable lessons I pick up from voluntary work, be it 1 or 2 hours of help. Quantity vs quality - which matters more, a hundred cip hours for a puny discount in a college entrance OR what you do or say?

When I visit the home, I always keep the latter in mind. The visit was short, but the difference was made. Through seeing the good old folks smile during our entire visit, I instantly knew that they felt God's love through us. A smile was good enough to show me that, even though some of them were so sick or bedridden that they couldn't even move a finger. Although heartbreaking, it was comforting just being able to be there for them.

I prayed for two ah mas who could respond rather well to me, where I had to put my mandarin and hokkien skills to good use hehehe. Although I prayed in mandarin (which, of course, I'm not used to), I could tell that the two ah mas were touched by that little gesture of mine.

I then started chatting with one of the two ah mas in *gasp* hokkien with Shev and Adeline by my side. Our conversation went from lighthearted to sincere and solemn the moment I found out she couldn't see. She was blind and I couldn't tell. I probably wouldn't have ever noticed if the staff didn't tell me. She had such a positive energy within herself that it was almost impossible to tell that she had a disability.

I'll never forget what she told me in hokkien, "I can't see anything, everything is just all black. I want to ask Jesus to let me see again, but I don't know how." The earnest words that left her lips and the yearning look she had in her teary eyes just broke my heart.

I told her there and then that I would help her ask Jesus to fulfill this one wish of hers. And I will, definitely. Tonight, before I go to bed, I'm going to say a prayer.

Wealth - is it worth everything?

I believe this is a burning topic that most Singaporeans, except those filthy rich mansion hoggers, can relate to relatively well. Whether we're talking about Singaporeans from the 1900 period or the "more pampered" Singaporeans feeding shamelessly on the glittery Ion Orchard today, I think the issue of wealth is one thing they have in common. Actually, to the workforce of the world in general, wealth gives. Wealth is considered important and essential. Wealth is the soil fertiliser for any family. In Singapore, wealth (specifically more wealth) gets babies their Enfagrow niu nai, mommy her G2000 office blazer, daddy his Nike track shoes and ah boy and ah girl their Yang Tze Kiang school uniforms.

Now my question really is, is it worth everything?

What tempted to me write this up was my papa actually. We were having our lunch one day and somehow we got into property agent courses and the money behind it. There was also another thing, but that's too sensitive. The thing is, conversations, especially those about the economy, politics and life always get me thinking. I think so much to the extent where I get the fiery urge to start something. (Debate? Discussion? Whatever.) I think that's a characteristic of mine, but anyway, that's not the point.

My point is, why do Singaporeans treat money like a decision maker? Does money determine whether you're naughty or nice? Does money determine how often you're gonna donate to the poor flag day people? Does money determine whether the volcano inside you is dormant or active? Does money determine whether you're gonna be working late or accompanying your wife at home?

Does money determine who you are?

I know that being any old secondary student (Sec 4, omg) makes my main priority getting that A1 on paper. I haven't started working and participating in those rowdy and unnecessary office politics, so why should I care about what money makes people, right? Well, I have working parents. And well, this is a blog. Be thankful I don't tear blogger apart with vulgarities.

People might tell me I don't know the value of money and how important it is. Okay, then where did "priceless" come from? Every English word in the dictionary exists because each one has a meaning. You know what else has meaning? There's many things that don't have price tags attached to them, things like love, memories and quality time. I always believe that the most meaningful things are the ones that are priceless. Trust me when I say this, because if you look at things this way, true value becomes obvious.

In my humble opinion, it really irritates me when people cannot draw a clear line between money and the priceless things. Please do. Or this exploding girl behind the computer screen will smash her keyboard. Make an effort to make it back for dinner with the family when your office clock turns six, because the more you stay back in your office, the more you earn. The more you earn, the more your money fills the government's pockets. (Ah, kidding kidding.)

It's not that hard. All it takes is balance. (And a diary ^^)