This is Love.

Love is a powerful thing.

This sentence alone isn't sufficient to fully define it, honestly. Not even a dictionary. Not even a teacher. It speaks for itself. "Powerful" defines love accurately only to a certain extent. When we talk about the word "power", spiritual force comes to my mind. A good kind of spiritual force is what love is. At least that's what I feel up to this point. But my definition isn't complete yet.

Before SALT camp 2011, I've ever thought through the definition of love so much to the extent that I thought I understood it completely. But boy was I wrong. In reality, I've never actually understood and grasped the meaning until today. That was something I wasn't even aware of. Therefore, the past two days spent during SALT camp have reconfirmed that definition for me and definitely opened my eyes to many new lessons.

During the camp, there were two instances that were really thought-provoking for me. The first was our first day speaker session and the next was definitely the very very very powerful worship experience.

Our speaker, Ms Toh, mentioned some very powerful things during the session that I'd like to share here. I honestly found these points so real and true. So it really touched my heart to hear about such good news. One prominent thing that was repeated constantly during camp was "Love others". So my first step to loving others today would be to share my lessons learnt, whether people believe them or not.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says "Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud. Love is not rude, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Then Ms Toh said that Love is God.

And then she asked us to replace every word "Love" with the word "God" since both were equals.

Doing that, you'd get, "GOD is patient, GOD is kind. GOD does not envy, GOD does not boast, GOD is not proud. GOD is not rude, GOD is not self-seeking, GOD is not easily angered, GOD keeps no record of wrongs. GOD does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. GOD always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. GOD never fails."

I was stunned and amazed, naturally. That's when I realised I was getting closer to the true definition of Love.

Another point I wanted to point out was how Ms Toh answered one of my burning questions I've had since I was this young, innocent christian girl. What exactly is the difference between a christian and non-christian?
Yup, I believe that everyone has asked themselves this question in some point of their lives. And I finally got it answered.

Ms Toh said that humans were made up of three parts - the physical body, the soul and the spirit. The physical body is tangible, available to the touch. The soul leaves our body when we pass away. The spirit is different. It's like another of yourself, but not tangible. A spirit is able to feel and function like you will as a human, except it isn't tangible on earth.

The difference? A christian spirit is alive and seated on God's right hand in heaven. I was awed by that fact.

Okay, so on to worship experience. Yes, I cried again. (Emo lol.) You can't blame me, because it's reasonable for me to cry. Things like "you suffer because God loves you" really make me guilty. I frequently ask myself why I always get scolded and I even complain sometimes. It sucks to know that I'm actually questioning God's love for me.

Yes, Sophia had a very good point I wanted to mention. She said that whenever you feel discouraged, whenever you're suffering, think of how God actually put you through the pain to make you an even stronger person. I fully agree with her on that. There's a reason and purpose behind everything God does and that's what spurs me on.

Many might doubt the presence of a God. But the many that doubt are the many who have yet to experience the presence of a God. I for one have had experiences with God. Every year in MGS have been a living testimony to this. Not just that, I've felt God. And the feeling's powerful. You'll really know God and the holy spirit is there because it's nothing like you could ever experience.

The many worship experiences I've been to have really helped me to experience more of God's presence. That's why after being in SALT for two years, or rather, being in MGS for nine years, I've grown so much as a christian and I could say with an 80% certainty that I know the true definition of Love. 

From baby cots to office cubicles

A few nights ago I was talking to my mom about how giving birth to me was like. Apart from the painful parts of her story, the rest was kind of funny.

Okay then you know how every time you talk about your childhood you somehow start to wonder how you grew to become so big and bulky and annoying? Thereafter you would mentally run through every year that you've lived in your head. For me I can't keep it up there, so I've to put it down here.

So I present, the best of my fifteen years.

When I came out of mom I was the one of those rare babies that didn't cry. How many can say that they're like that huh? Hee hee. One more thing, my eyes were open, huge and staring at mom. Don't know staring at what la. I must have been a breeze to give birth to, being so dead and silent.

A large time of my childhood was spent at my Ah Gong and Ah Ma's house in Bukit Batok, no longer existent because of upgrading works, sadly. That was the place I ate at, slept at and pooped at. That's all you ever do as a kid anyway.

I've always loved bathing, I don't know why. So when my Ah Ma placed me into the red plastic tub I would get damn excited. Then after my bath I would run out with my towel barely even covering me, screaming "I'M CLEAN!" to my Ah Gong. Then my Ah Ma would scold me for wetting the floor. :(

Then my Ah Gong would take out the Lego and I will build houses.

Then when I was too alive to sleep I would jump onto my Ah Gong's bed when he was about to sleep and dream of trampolines. He used to sing chucka-chucka-choo-choo with me while staring at the ceiling. And then one day would pass.

Then when I was feeling bored I'll wear my Ah Ma's over sized wooden clogs and hide in between the laundry out at the balcony. Ah, good times.

When I went to Kindergarten it must have been like a theme park for kids. Hee hee. I remember there was delivery from some mystery man one day and I stole the cardboard box together with my friends, drew a lousy air-con and window on the inside of the box and locked ourselves in there.

When I started Primary one in MGS my first achievement was winning a packet of cheese balls from my form teacher for killing the stupid lizard in the cupboard with the broom. And I don't know why I'm so scared of lizards now. Ah and last time red bowl noodles only cost 60 cents. And the bookshop sold country erasers I always bought and played with. And the scented highlighters that smelled of grape, banana, apple, orange and lemon. My favourite was grape and I hated lemon. And then came water babies. And then came blu-tack lamian- okay my paragraph is too full.

Then when I started Sec one I cut my hair which made me look like a weirdo. (A neat weirdo.) Actually I cut it when I was in Primary five. Macs at King Albert Park was an alien place to me until I went in and screwed up my order. Embarrassing memories are the ones you keep.

And then when I turned fifteen.............................................................................................................

Fast forward.

And then today I'm wearing heels to work and getting blisters. Smart girl. When you grow older do you become more stupid? I wonder.    

I secretly dream of...

Today I'm going to do a short but (hopefully) fun blog post. Call it a poem if you will. And it won't be so secret anymore once I type it out here, so just shelve my title.

Here I go. (:

I secretly dream of (not in order)...

1) My favourite singers. (Literally) And the dreams can last for hours. But they're not sick dreams. They're just lovely teenage fairy fantasies. Okay, I think I should stop here if not I'll sound like a lovesick fangirl. I have a life, okay.

2) Becoming an inspirational speaker. I've always wanted to touch hearts with the experience I have. I even create impromptu speeches in my bathroom sometimes and just murmur them to myself. Maybe I don't have that much experience yet, but I'll definitely pick up more experience along the way as I grow older. This is also part of my love for helping others.

3) Someone in my life, be it present, past or future to tell me SOMETHING. I'm not going to reveal what that something is. I'll leave it for fate to decide. Oh look, I'm still quite secretive (;

4) Having that happy ending. Oh pshhh, what girl wouldn't want that?

5) Exams. Yes, I dream of me writing on exam papers. Sign of stress?

6) Fame. Myself performing on a big stage in front of a hugeeeee audience. Even though chances like that are one in a million.

This list is endless. I'm tired. G'night.