This is the last time I'm writing on this blog. For a change, I will make this short and sweet. I have moved on to http://www.sharmdranmusings.blogspot.com because my life also belongs to Su Jin now, and we have started a blog together. Read about me there if you will miss being bored to death by my long posts, or just read about us, one post at a time.
Saturday, 13 December 2014
Monday, 1 December 2014
To Su Jin:
Foreword:
I wrote the first half of this letter right after baccalaureate and continued the other half after A levels. At first, I was pretty upset about not knowing how to go about continuing the other half. But my thoughts fell perfectly into place over the course of the last few days, since, within the span of the first one week after A levels we've learnt several life-changing lessons. With that, I present the complete post graduation letter to my dear babe:
Funny how everyone's journey together ended yesterday but ours continues.
But I'd first like to write about how it all began. I'd prefer not to write things like 'it was fate' unless the situation demands it, but this situation demands it. It was fate.
How I managed to remember that you were that sweaty dark skinned boy I was huddling with during mass rally that one day of orientation I do not know, for you were: a) a complete stranger b) really smelly and c) sweating profusely. But I remember - from the day I first encountered you, right up till the very last morning we sat at the bleachers together, I remember. It saddens me that I'm using 'sat' and will no longer be using 'sit', but it brings me immense joy and inexplicable happiness to be able to say, 'I love you', present tense.
We've come a long way. There must have been countless beautiful sharmdran stories told and written by me, you and by loving friends, but one story I've yet to write on this blog is the story of how and why I fell in love with you.
Like all love stories, our love had to start somewhere. I disliked you, for reasons I still cannot fathom. I hated the leg hair you've said flies get caught in. I used to think that you've dated five girls and will date five more. I placed you on my mental list of 'guys I will never date'. Su Jin Chandran, I thought we would never, ever, be friends. But I fell in love with you, because I befriended you. I started taking ugly selfies with you, doing your pushup dares on the void deck tables, owning you at fun run during twenty minute breaks, walking , sometimes running/dancing/laughing/racing, to star with classmates. I fell in love with you, because we became best friends. How I know this is because there is simply not enough room on this measly site for me to do justice to our friendship in writing. How I know this is because even if I manage to, my memory will betray me the moment I click 'publish', leaving me to open up our two person Whatsapp group and start typing the message 'remember that time we.....'
In light of graduation, some would be reflecting on the lessons their teachers have taught them. I prefer to write about the valuable lessons my true teacher has taught me. You. First and foremost, you've taught me lessons through being you. Never in my life have I seen such respectable dedication, hard work and perseverance, and I truly believe that, never again will I. Like everyone else, you had to make sacrifices to dance. But you had to fail hundreds of times when others succeeded, you had to attempt to overcome insurmountable fatigue, and you had to endure the night I threatened not to turn up at Bailamos. If there's one great lesson you've taught me while you journeyed to excellence and I struggled alongside you, it would have to be that a single perfection is most real when there have been a hundred failures and setbacks.
Another valuable lesson I've only come to terms with recently after graduating is that staying true to yourself is just as integral as being a better partner each day. A few nights after 26th November 2014 (the day we officially became 'us'), I asked you most sincerely if you were willing to continue making my journey yours. I knew, painfully, that it would be inhumanely difficult for anyone to agree to that, since it's hard truth my family circumstances will bring us more struggle than happiness. As usual, you said yes without a trace of hesitance, and added wisely, "what kind of person will saying no make me?" That alone spoke not only of your utter dedication and commitment towards me, but also succinctly revealed that this commitment is never only about being a better partner, but never straying from who you are. It is with unfaltering pride then, that I say you are the best of yourself when being the best for me.
Finally, you've taught me more about myself than anyone ever has. And most humbly, I really did think I was a pretty good teacher to myself. They say the man is a reflection of his woman. But there have been countless of times you've revealed what is blind to me in the mirror, although harsh and brutal at times. The great sense you always make in your criticism towards me have been the bane of my existence as much as one of my greatest life lessons. On hindsight, the times that made me feel closest to hatred for you were the times that were truly justified of receiving no less than the height of my love.
The difficulty for any human being to come to terms with what I'm writing here is great. Acceptance is sometimes beyond human nature in the face of criticism. Although this is probably one of the first few times I've given it the acknowledgment it deserves, I want you to know that I have its gravity embedded in my being. Human nature will always be its greatest barrier. I will fail to admit the importance of your criticism when pride, selfishness, anger and insecurity cloud my vision. But it is when this very nature is tested, when I ask myself on nights I come close to hating you if Sharmaine and Su Jin can still be one, where this will emerge from the shadows. I will remember what I wrote about you when I was eighteen. I will remember I once called you my greatest teacher. And regardless of how old we are then, my future self will know I'll need you as much as my eighteen year old self did. Babe, I'll always need your timeless life lessons. One of the most powerful ways to say I love you to each other then, is to be this humble student always wanting to learn and a teacher never tired to teach. My dear Su Jin, can I always, always, be that student?
I wrote the first half of this letter right after baccalaureate and continued the other half after A levels. At first, I was pretty upset about not knowing how to go about continuing the other half. But my thoughts fell perfectly into place over the course of the last few days, since, within the span of the first one week after A levels we've learnt several life-changing lessons. With that, I present the complete post graduation letter to my dear babe:
Funny how everyone's journey together ended yesterday but ours continues.
But I'd first like to write about how it all began. I'd prefer not to write things like 'it was fate' unless the situation demands it, but this situation demands it. It was fate.
How I managed to remember that you were that sweaty dark skinned boy I was huddling with during mass rally that one day of orientation I do not know, for you were: a) a complete stranger b) really smelly and c) sweating profusely. But I remember - from the day I first encountered you, right up till the very last morning we sat at the bleachers together, I remember. It saddens me that I'm using 'sat' and will no longer be using 'sit', but it brings me immense joy and inexplicable happiness to be able to say, 'I love you', present tense.
We've come a long way. There must have been countless beautiful sharmdran stories told and written by me, you and by loving friends, but one story I've yet to write on this blog is the story of how and why I fell in love with you.
Like all love stories, our love had to start somewhere. I disliked you, for reasons I still cannot fathom. I hated the leg hair you've said flies get caught in. I used to think that you've dated five girls and will date five more. I placed you on my mental list of 'guys I will never date'. Su Jin Chandran, I thought we would never, ever, be friends. But I fell in love with you, because I befriended you. I started taking ugly selfies with you, doing your pushup dares on the void deck tables, owning you at fun run during twenty minute breaks, walking , sometimes running/dancing/laughing/racing, to star with classmates. I fell in love with you, because we became best friends. How I know this is because there is simply not enough room on this measly site for me to do justice to our friendship in writing. How I know this is because even if I manage to, my memory will betray me the moment I click 'publish', leaving me to open up our two person Whatsapp group and start typing the message 'remember that time we.....'
In light of graduation, some would be reflecting on the lessons their teachers have taught them. I prefer to write about the valuable lessons my true teacher has taught me. You. First and foremost, you've taught me lessons through being you. Never in my life have I seen such respectable dedication, hard work and perseverance, and I truly believe that, never again will I. Like everyone else, you had to make sacrifices to dance. But you had to fail hundreds of times when others succeeded, you had to attempt to overcome insurmountable fatigue, and you had to endure the night I threatened not to turn up at Bailamos. If there's one great lesson you've taught me while you journeyed to excellence and I struggled alongside you, it would have to be that a single perfection is most real when there have been a hundred failures and setbacks.
Another valuable lesson I've only come to terms with recently after graduating is that staying true to yourself is just as integral as being a better partner each day. A few nights after 26th November 2014 (the day we officially became 'us'), I asked you most sincerely if you were willing to continue making my journey yours. I knew, painfully, that it would be inhumanely difficult for anyone to agree to that, since it's hard truth my family circumstances will bring us more struggle than happiness. As usual, you said yes without a trace of hesitance, and added wisely, "what kind of person will saying no make me?" That alone spoke not only of your utter dedication and commitment towards me, but also succinctly revealed that this commitment is never only about being a better partner, but never straying from who you are. It is with unfaltering pride then, that I say you are the best of yourself when being the best for me.
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